Is this all I deserve...

In case u ppl didn't know....She hates speakin to me...She didn't tell this to me..But this was the inference i could make of all that she said..Gosh...I couldn't beleive wat i was hearin..I was under the impression she loved talkin to me...Cuz most ppl do..They find it very interestin to spk to me...But for the first time in my life I heard somebody ask me not to call them up..It shuddered me...It was almost as if I was arguin with her to live...But thats the truth..Not speakin to her..Eats my day..I get so restless that i hardly find a point in living the next minute...In case she happens to read all this I'm pretty sure she'd find it real funny..Cuz she always does...Am I that mean a human being that I can't even speak to a girl I long for...Am I really that undeserving...Wat does it take to make a girl want to speak to u...Isn't being a nice guy good enough...For christ sake there is only on John Abraham on earth...And unluckily its not me..So is that my mistake or somethin...I wish I could be him..I really do...Maybe she'd speak to me then...I'm not able to b normal without speakin to her...But i'm unable to xplain it to her..She is tryin to make me hate her..But i've started hatin me so much...I can hardly hate anybody else,leave alone her...I know its not her who is talkin like this..Its the notion inside her that makes her think that she not talkin to me is for my good...It isn't makin things better..Not one bit..I'm being suffocated everyday....I don't want things to be this way...Even if I can't hav her..I atleast wish I could speak to her everyday...I really want to..It keeps me goin...I'm gonna cal her up tomo...Its upto her to decide whether she wants to speak to me or not...I'm not goin to force her...Wil beg her as usual..I don't mind beggin her though..She is all that i hav..And i don't mind drownin my self esteem for her..

Hate to wait....

Waitin for something that is nowhere under your control is the worst thing on earth.It has been a week almost since I took up the interview.I haven't heard from them yet.Nor has anybody else for that matter.Hope it comes soon and comes good.She has put up a restriction on me calling her.I'm supposed to call her only once in a week.She thinks it'll make me feel better.But the fact of the matter is,it is killing me on the inside.Big time.I don't feel much when I'm with my friends.But once I'm alone....Once I start lookin at the mirror....A sharp pain starts peeking inside..I hav been crying almost everyday since we stopped speaking...I fight a temptation of calling her almost every minute..Not cuz i don't wanna speak to her..But cuz I can never restrain from doing things my princess asks me to...It aches..It really does...I wish i could atleast hear her voice even if not speak to her...But she doesn't want me to call her...And i wouldn't...My dream of workin at Infy(Hyd) seems to be taking a beating everyday..But I know that I'm just a mail away from gettin all that I ever wanted...Guess she'll come up with some restriction if i get there...It'll be like,U shud c me only once in a week or something..Hope she doesn't do that..Cuz i know how cursed I hav been feeling over these past four days...Can't wait for thursday to come so I could call her..Dying to hear her speak...She has got a test tomo...Hope she does well...She will for sure...But as far as I'm concerned,my plan for tomorrow wud b just to wake up and start checkin my mail..Haven't got nethin more to do...Nothin that interests me...Wish I could atleast hav a peek at her for a second...Jus to make sure my princess is great...Hope the divine forces above gimme that job at HYD...I'd be so very greatful...I always will keep lovin her..Even if she wants me outta her life..She's too sweet for me to quit...Love her...But this wait is just too much to handle....Wish v cud speak...