Killed again...

Wel...things hav jus gone from bad to worse..Gave her a letter with a few RBCs in it...She thought it was stupid...But then wat more can I do to make her understand...got the worst msg till date from her...She said she wouldn't wanna marry me even if her parents let her to...I died right then...Killed one more time by her...I love her so very much that i start cryin everytime i think i can't have her..Its very tough to lead such a cursed life...Wish i cud belong to that genre of people whom she'd wanna marry...I know things aren't in my hand anymore..It hurts real bad...Am i such a mean human...Don't I deserve anything I want in life...Wish my heart would jus stop pumpin...Wish i don't have a tomorrow to wake up to...Wish she could jus stab me..And i would happily die watchin her...Cuz I am sufferin greater pains in life...Pains cuz of her...Pains cuz of the fact that she'll never be mine...Wish i could be around her forever...That'll do...Even if its just as a servant..I don't mind..Jus being around her is all that I ask god for...And he thinks I don't deserve even that...Wat more do i hav in this world to live for..She is leavin the day after...She doesn't want me to come to the station even..Hates my face that bad i suppose..Will try to convince her to let me come to the station...If she still doesn't want me to..Then i'll not go there...I'm born to obey her...Even if its for things i don't wanna do...I'll still do it for her..Cuz i don't wanna giv her the discomfort of havin to look at me,when she doesn't want to...off with tears...